Timothée Chalamet and Kylie Jenner at the Golden Globes
I can't stop thinking about them
A few months ago, I had a dream that Timothée Chalamet kissed me but he was scared that Kylie Jenner would find out. Then I was at a taping of Saturday Night Live, Jon Bon Jovi was the host, Bill Murray did a musical number. When I woke up, I wrote: to be in the theater… felt electric.
Until that dream, I didn’t care about Timothée Chalamet. Honest to God. But now I can’t stop thinking about him and Kylie Jenner and how they seem to be in a loving relationship.
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I really do love awards season. I love the ceremonies, I love to say things like “I really wanted to see that” or “Aw, I’m glad they won” or “I don’t like that dress”. On the topic of best and worst dressed, if you have 48 minutes to spare like I did, I agreed with this YouTuber:
One person is noticeably absent from the best and worst dressed conversation even though she was very much in attendance and that is Kylie Jenner. She didn’t walk the red carpet but she did sit dutifully by Timothée Chalamet’s side throughout the ceremony. One clip of them smiling, whispering and kissing was so present on the internet the next day that I have it memorized.
They just look so happy.
As much as I love awards season, the boring red carpet lip reading clickbait is obnoxious and as time passes, the crap overshadows the good. I’ve deleted, redownloaded, and deleted Instagram from my phone more times this week than I can count. I want to know everything but I can’t stand anything. And then, the other day, as though whispered by an angel, a sweet thought came to me: The best dressed person at the Golden Globes was Kylie Jenner because you’re never fully dressed without a smile.
A while ago, after they were photographed kissing at the US Open, I tried to write about Kylie Jenner and Timothée Chalamet as it compared to me installing a bidet.
As stupid as it is, here it is:
As I installed my Tushy and worried that I would flood the apartment, I thought about kissing.
Timothée Chalamet is hosting Saturday Night Live. Right now, he’s probably doing a read through in Studio 8H. Maybe an intern brought him a smoothie.
As he probably got chauffeured back to a hotel, I grabbed a wrench from the tool drawer.
I wonder if Kylie Jenner will fly from Calabasas to watch? Does he love her?
I used the wrench to close the water valve. I flushed the toilet to empty the tank. I detached the hose connecting the water valve and the tank. I attached the bidet to the tank.
From there I aligned the bidet over the toilet and re-fastened everything. I turned the water valve, not needing a wrench this time, and listened as the tank refilled.
If Timothée Chalamet saw me across the room would he pause, approach me, tuck a hair behind my ear, and say, “Sorry, have we met?” And if he did, would we have anything to talk about?
I mopped up the floor, I put away my tools, I washed my hands.
<3
I forgot I wrote that until the Golden Globes. I watched the clip of them over and over until I understood what I was looking at: a girl in love with a boy. Her makeup was minimal for a Kardashian-Jenner, she held his hand in her lap, she waited around like a regular girlfriend while he hugged Noah Baumbach, she looked proud. It all seems very normal, she’s glowing, and I can’t stop thinking about it.
“For saints have hands that pilgrims hands do touch, And palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss.”